sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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