He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
