so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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