then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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