Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
