On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
