If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
