My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
