You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
