Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The air was thick with penises
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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