Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
