dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
