I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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