best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
