so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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