I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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