Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
