guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have aggressive nipples.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
