so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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