I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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