my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
