I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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