Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
