saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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