she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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