she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
