Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
