I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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