Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
