i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
