I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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