My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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