I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its about making memories worth repressing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
