I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
