But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
