Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
