so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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