The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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