....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
