There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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