i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
