She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
