we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How naked do you want me to be?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
