Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
