and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
