dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
