So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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