Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
