Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
