do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
