thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
