this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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