I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
