Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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