Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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