I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
