im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
