sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
