I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
