3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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